Saturday, May 07, 2005
moving on
"one foot in front of the other" -- I repeated to myself, willing my feet as I trudged up the hill home from M's place, a heavy pack on my back and an even heavier heart faltering in my chest.
We held each other close and wept bitterly, helplessly, as we stood in his living room, my pack loaded with my belongings which once filled his wardrobe, drawer and shelves. Choking back my tears, I offered him his keys which had been mine for the past year. He turned away to pick up my apartment keys from his shelf, offering them in exchange then stopped himself, saying, "No, keep the keys just in case...just in case I lose mine. You're the only one I trust my keys with." He kissed me tenderly and pulling away, reminisced about our first kiss which lasted a whole weekend. The dam burst once more as we sobbed in each other's embrace, remembering how good we were together. How wonderful we were together. I wanted so badly to hear him say, "Don't go" knowing that it would only postpone the inevitable. The words never came.
I was quite faint by the time I arrived at Central. Spent from shedding so much tears and having eaten nothing all day. I was feeling sick. I picked up my phone and called him. He asked if I was OK. I said "No". He said, "Me too." and tearfully added, "My place is so empty without you." I could barely stand up and had to support myself, pressing my hand against the wall.
I can't help wondering if I'm doing the right thing.
We held each other close and wept bitterly, helplessly, as we stood in his living room, my pack loaded with my belongings which once filled his wardrobe, drawer and shelves. Choking back my tears, I offered him his keys which had been mine for the past year. He turned away to pick up my apartment keys from his shelf, offering them in exchange then stopped himself, saying, "No, keep the keys just in case...just in case I lose mine. You're the only one I trust my keys with." He kissed me tenderly and pulling away, reminisced about our first kiss which lasted a whole weekend. The dam burst once more as we sobbed in each other's embrace, remembering how good we were together. How wonderful we were together. I wanted so badly to hear him say, "Don't go" knowing that it would only postpone the inevitable. The words never came.
I was quite faint by the time I arrived at Central. Spent from shedding so much tears and having eaten nothing all day. I was feeling sick. I picked up my phone and called him. He asked if I was OK. I said "No". He said, "Me too." and tearfully added, "My place is so empty without you." I could barely stand up and had to support myself, pressing my hand against the wall.
I can't help wondering if I'm doing the right thing.
