moody meanderings

Al found a really cool e-poetry site which is the electronic version of magnetic or fridge poetry. Let's just say I was inspired. Nearly went blind after a while as the words started to swim in my eyes.

sing then of sadness
my beautiful thing
pity the blind heart
with a clear voice
let your tears ring
that the divine would hear
and colour blackness
like the goodbye wind

I've called it "goodbye wind" in my contemplative collection.

I went for my first salsa night yesterday at Club Ing. It was a lot of fun. Club Ing is a night club and I guess this is their way of generating income to handle the mid-week lull. For just HKD120, you get a free drink from their standard drinks list, snacks, lots of it enough for a light dinner, and about 1 hour of lesson and then dancing the rest of the night with non-stop Salsa music. There are a surprising number of men in the more advanced groups. We were split into the Basic, Improver and Intermediate groups. Silly me joined the Basic group as I had forgotten that Salsa and Mambo are the same thing. Not only was I bored as it was too rudimentary for me, I was also stuck with a middle aged man with a big pot belly who had had his eye on me since Serina and I arrived. When the instructor called for us to pair up, he made a bee-line for me. There was no side-stepping him, believe me, I tried. He just blocked my path and asked me to be his partner. I don't want to be mean about him but he was really creepy. He took my hand in the latin hold and started to stroke it lightly. Eeeww! After a few minutes, I approached a lady without a partner and offered her mine. I left that group to check out the more advanced groups and tried to pick up the steps. Quite funky steps but hard to learn on the side.

And tonight, I joined a Salsa class at the Fringe Club in Central. It is their 5th lesson out of 8. It was challenging as this was mid-way through the Improver level. Managed to nearly catch up with the rest of the class. I'm proud of myself. Got myself twisted and entangled a couple of times in awkward handlocks with various men. HAHAHA!! What a great pick-up line, "Honey, I'm all wrapped up in you."

I now have an exciting weekly activity to take away the mundane out of my Hong Kong existence. Woohoo!!!! Better get off now as I'm using the common terminal at the lobby. A chap has been waiting a while already and the woman beside me whose been here before I got here doesn't look to be moving.

While chatting online with a friend, it finally occurred to me why I still think incessantly of him. It is an obsession with the lingering last kiss, the last tender embrace which comes from a fear that a thing so wonderful will never come to pass again. A fear that I will never find another heart so light, it made my own take flight. A fear that I will never meet another spirit so willing to stretch itself beyond the "known" to become one with the universe, and one with mine. A fear that I will never know another mind so willing to dream and make them real that my own dreams were re-awakened.

This is how I remember him.


But my own painful meditations suddenly seem trite when I think of Jeff, whom I've just learnt, died last week from kidney failure. Jeff was one of the participants at the Asiaworks Advance course that I staffed back in August. I first noticed Jeff at my sister's Advanced graduation. His wife, May, had just completed the course as well. I recall him unabashedly watching me dance, admiring my 'moves' which I'm sure he tried later on. We weren't introduced then but we met days later during the post training interview which I volunteered at.

And then, he moved on to the Advance course where I was amazed by his determination to stay with the program even when it became really challenging. The course is no walk in the park even for the younger participants and one time I pushed him so hard it seemed he would quit but he sucked it in and just got on with it. If you consider that he only had months to live, he really didn't need to take all the toughness that comes with the course. Some less resilient hearted might have just decided their last days would be spent as calmly as possible. But not Jeff. I remember him vividly. And his determination to live out his last days joyfully is an inspiration to me.

May his soul dance in heaven.

Chater Garden, which is the park just in front of my office building, was invaded by cicadas over the weekend. Yesterday morning as I was walking from the MTR to the office, I was greeted by a loud high pitched buzzing. At first I thought it was a gardening tool or a mini chain saw. And then I heard it coming from right overhead in the tree and then further on in the bushes. It was such a cacauphony like you wouldn't believe those little creatures could make. Today, the parks department dealt the new residents a giant blow to their eden. They stripped the bushes nearly bald. The indignity of it all.

The buzzing was a whole lot more subdued this evening, as if in respectful observance of mourning.

Going for salsa lessons tomorrow night. Finally get to use my dancing shoes which I brought all the way from home.

Say it to me now.
Even if the truth tears us apart.
I need to feel the closeness
of knowing what's in your heart.
- "Say it to Me Now" by Beth Nielsen Chapman

I now have a comments link on my page. woohoo!! Comment away.....please?

I wonder if he thinks of me half as often as he used to. And if half the time that he does is half as fondly as I think of him. Seems a little lame to be allowing these thoughts to take shape, and worse still, in written form. But who can control thoughts and this, afterall, is my sounding board, my cathartic release for just such meandering rambles. I know what my friends would say but honestly, it is one thing to advise another to let go and move on, and quite another to do it yourself. What does it all mean anyway? Let go. Move on. Just a bit of fluffy philosophy someone made up when they found someone else to invest their emotions in? I don't know. I am guilty of extolling the virtues of "if you love someone, set him free" but hey, I'm not holding him captive. It is I who needs setting free. I'm not sure what I'm ranting about or what set it off. I think it was an ad poster for a movie starring Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman. The posters are generally in Cantonese so I couldn't make out the title or cast. It looked like Ben Affleck, or maybe it's because I just watched Armageddon on TVB Pearl last night. Well anyway, in that brief moment as I contemplated the poster, I drew an unlikely association with you-know-who, who doesn't doesn't bear any resemblance to BA or vice versa, except for their boyish good looks and penetrating blue eyes.

One thought led to another, starting with when we first met and how my first impression of him was far from flattering. I thought he was just a shallow, pretty face with no depth nor strength of character. That was in the first few moments when I heard him speak, and it actually crossed my mind then that he might be gay! Of course weeks later, there was no doubt in my mind he was straight as an arrow. But I digress. So my thoughts took me to and lingered on happier times when we would stay in bed and talk a good part of the day away, sharing fears, hopes and dreams, and get up in the late afternoon only because we were hungry. And then it hit me. I'm thinking about him again! How often do I do that? Does he think of me nearly half as often as I do? half as often as he used to? He once said he thought of me at least once a day. Back then, I would think of him a hundred times a day, at least. So we come full circle.

Josh Groban is good! sounds like Andre Bocelli with a much better English accent. I'm in love with his voice. I still can't believe his entire album is available online. Thanks to HL's link, I'm now enjoying the beautiful Italian tenor vocals.

I've got photos from the boat trip to Po Toi island last Monday up on Yahoo today.

Hong Kong is trying to clean up its city. They are handling it Singapore style -- a "fine" campaign of a HK$600 penalty.
I can't seem to upload it to coolconnect so click here to see an MTR poster of the campaign that launched today.

It's been raining and overcast for two weeks but today, the sun peeped from behind the clouds very briefly. I got carried away basking in it by the pool without sunblock, except for my face. Thought I wouldn't get burnt with the sun peering through the clouds but apparently, that's enough UV rays to turn me into a cooked lobster.

It is raining again.

Thanks to a tip from HL, I am now able to have pics on my blog. Yippeeee! The one below was taken at the piano bar last week when Serina and I paid Enrico a visit at his workplace. I like the composition even if the colour could use a little less orange.

This is just how crowded restaurants in Hong Kong can get. This is the line outside a popular Malaysian laksa and prawn noodle eatery in Wan Chai. The foks at the end of the line could be 20mins in the street before they get a taste of their Malaysian meal.


While this couple takes "eating on the run" to another level.

I'm back! Had my entire hard disk reformatted and now I don't have most of my software applications. Need to re-download a lot of it from the web. Then there are those paid software that I don't have CDs for. That will be trickier. *sigh*...how dependent I've become on my computer.

was still feeling the tipping and tossing last night, three hours after I was back on land. takes as long to find land legs as it is to find my sea legs. Serina didn't make it because her mom was still in town. Enrico couldn't make it as he was playing at seven that night. He is a pianist and plays at a hotel. So it was just Jeremy, his friend, John and girlfriend, Lani, and me. The weather wasn't the best with overcast skies and short light drizzle. But it beat being at home all long weekend. Took over at the wheel for a while. Had lunch at a seafood place on Po Toi island. Dipped in the cool water before the captain spotted a jellyfish and even took up a dare and dived off the upper deck of the boat into the sea. Splash! smacked my face on impact. Ouch Tip : tuck chin in when diving from a height the way the pros do it. Did a couple of somersaults off the side of the boat and smacked my back on the second one. Double ouch!

The boat trip reversed my opinion about the washout weekend.

My laptop has gone on strike. The system is crawling because the services.exe application has taken the whole CPU capacity. Don't know what it means except that there is little CPU capacity left for anything else, hence the machine takes a long time to respond to each command, even as simple as typing each letter in this blog! It is truly a sheer exercise of patience to have gotten this far, especially since I can't see what I type until seconds later. Been running the virus scan forever because Al thought it was a virus attack. So now I can't really do much else. Can't download the photos from the boat trip either. Will post them as soon as the machine is back up.

Bank holiday today. I'm still home. Waiting and hoping for a telephone call to tell me that I'm going on a boat ride this afternoon. Yesterday after church, we invited Enrico and Jeremy, who was hanging around Enrico at the time, to join us for lunch at the American Peking restaurant. It's just a Peking restaurant that used to target American sailors when they came to port at Wanchai. Very good food, if you know how to order. My favourite dishes are the hotplate shrimp fritters in hot and sour sauce; and the minced pork and szechuan vegetables in a kind of popiah wrap. You wrap it yourself. Chinese fajitas. Found out that Jeremy Hobbins who looks about late 40s but has a 29 year old son and a 38 year old stepdaughter, owns a 50something feet boat. He invited us for a ride out to the islands this afternoon if the weather holds. Been raining constantly all week! Oh, he's just called. I'm off now!

Today, I allowed myself to be swept up by the Star Wars Episode II frenzy. For the first time in my life, I actually watched the movie when it was released. Not some months or years later. This being the first weekend of its screening and a Sunday at that, the theatres were crowded and only the front three rows were vacant and some scattered single spots. Serina and I ended up in a far corner on two different rows. At least we weren't straining our necks from the front rows. So much has already been said about the movie, so suffice it to say that it was pretty good but not one of the best of the Star Wars movie franchise. I liked Episode I better.

But if I'm not the biggest Star Wars fan, here's an even lesser fan. After the movie, I was trying to explain to Serina the sequence of events and how the characters relate to each other. She was confused with events in the original episodes and prequels. At one point, as I was explaining that in the final episode Darth Vader had a change of heart and saved Luke Skywalker by killing the emperor, she exclaimed, "but where was Luke Skywalker? I don't remember him in this movie!" teeheehee! Lost in space.

Okay, back to last night. I didn't mention that I was bloody bored during the first part of the evening over dinner and drinks because the conversation was replete with American pop culture references and slang that were completely lost on me. Well, I was bored to tears, literally. From the numerous yawns that escaped my vain attempts to conceal them. The evening picked up after Steve and his girlfriend left, which brought an end to pop culture speak. Gollygosh.

Pentecost Sunday. Today's service was broadcast "live" on RTHK. Don't know what it stands for but it's radio. In the midst of Scott's sermon on recognising the Holy Spirit, he was distracted by an eagle-like bird slowly circling the apex and exclaimed, "Is that the Holy Spirit that just flew by?" A truly spontaneous moment which echoed my own distracted thoughts.

I think I have a bad case of cold sores blistering my lips. I have two ulcers that erupted spontaneously and the rest of my lips are chapped and swollen, giving me a sexy pout. Quite cute actually. But very painful. Smarts. As some say, "Beauty comes with a price tag".

Mary T's blog from yesterday brought tears to my eyes. The pain and angst expressed there are all too familiar to me. Who keeps me warm at night? The question throws me back to when I last had gentle arms wrapped around me and warm breath against my neck at night. I'm too afraid to pray about it anymore. Struggling between hope and despair as on a bungee jump. boing boing boing.

oh my head...

just back from a night out with a bunch of guys I don't know from adam, except for this one guy, Steve, who is from another executive search company trying to get a piece of Viewlocity's business. He left before midnight and I somehow stayed with a bunch of people I just met tonight. Nice lot of people. Milton looks like he's in his 20s but he's actually 34! But he certainly behaves like 44, sitting and girating in his seat rather than on the dance floor/ To be fair, he had a bad kink his his neck and shoulder which was giving him hell. And Andrew looks like he's fresh out of college but he's really 35 and nearly married once. Milton (what sort of name is that?) and Andrew are childhood chums from Vancouver. And then there's Graham from suburbia London. He's coool. He has a shaven head which makes him look like some neo-nazi. In case I don't make too much sense, I'm a bit dizzy from vodka cranberries. Still reeling. i think I'm gonna go crash now. The room is spinning too much for my liking. Tomorrow, I'll talk about the cabby who gave me like a major discount on the taxi fare just because I took his cab instead of the next cab that cut him off and tried to run off with me. Ok, so I've just told it all so I won't mention this again tomorrow. Cool guy. He took like almost HK$100 off the fare. That's nearly S$25. I think I could start loving Hong Kong again. So totally sloshed now.

Sudden bout of tears. Not quite sure what it's about. I feel incredibly alone and lonely. It just isn't possible to love someone the way I do and not want to share my life with him. I don't know how to do it. I am just a woman, vulnerable and broken behind my battered steely armour. Goodbye, my love. There is no happy friendship after. Just the misty memories of a magical dream.

Spiderman was awesome! Had me gripping my seat throughout the movie. Felt like I had a good workout after the movie. My body was all coiled up ready to make the leaps, bounds, flips and swings wiith him. The same sympathetic muscle tension I'd feel whenever I watched gymnastic competitions on tv. Hahaha. so I wanna believe that's equivalent to a workout.

But it wasn't good just for the incredible action sequences and effects, including the Matrix type slo-mo moves. It was the down-to-earth-ness about the main character, Peter Parker. He was no bumbling gorgeous hunk behind dorky glasses. He was plain, simple, and dorky without the help of the glasses, in a sweet, dreamy, big hearted kind of way. Reminded me of someone.

Thanks to Al's good advice, I didn't ruin the movie by feeling sorry for myself about watching it alone. Partly also because I turned up at the theatre real early and found myself to be one of several lone movie-goers. Misery loves company?

After the movie, I decided I'd stop by the lobby bar at my place for a beer. I've been at this place for seven months now and been at the bar all of one time. So I sat at the bar, parked my bags in the seat next to me and had myself a large mug of what they had on tap. Ended up chatting with an old French Canadian in between his long repertoire of Karaoke renditions. He actually brings his own VCDs because the bar has a limited selection of English songs. That's a guy serious about his entertainment. Me? I just sang what they had that I could sing : My Heart Will Go On (Celine Dion); Eternal Flame (Bangles); Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler). I thought I sounded terrible and I wasn't sure if it was from too much beer and no dinner or the wonky mics with excessive reverb. At the end of the three songs, one chap with an Italian accent came in from the pool table just outside the bar and told me I had to stop singing at the bar. I laughed and mentally rehearsed how I could slink away to the elevators with some shred of dignity intact when he added, "You have to get up on a stage and sing. Not here at the bar." Phew!

Couldn't believe it was 1am by the time I got in.

The Bold and the Beautiful on tele now. Rich and Logan's wedding. A lesson here : stay away from the man you love if you know he has moved on. And never ask him where he is if you are not prepared to hear it.

Friendship may lead to love. But not love to friendship. Something that came in an email.

Feeling pretty low today.
This coming weekend is a long one as Monday is a bank holiday in HK. Serina and I were planning to go hiking and swimming and possibly stay somewhere overnight. We were also planning for me to bunk over at her place one of the nights as well, so I could cook and teach her something. Then she got sick earlier in the week and we were deciding if perhaps we should forget the hiking altogether, but decided to leave the decision to later in the week to see how she goes. Then yesterday, she called to say she was feeling a lot better, but her mom would be making an unplanned visit from China starting today. So, the whole weekend was reduced to a movie -- Spiderman -- tomorrow night. Tonight, as I was standing at the front of the queue to book the tickets, I called her to let her know the time of the show -- 7.35pm. She said that was too late and wanted to watch the 5.10pm instead. That would mean cutting out from work early, before 5pm! I was completely at a loss for words didn't even feel like negotiating some time with her. I cut off the conversation abruptly saying forget it, I'll watch it myself. So I'm watching a movie by myself on a Friday night. How depressing.

This whole episode has left me feeling really un-valued. An entire weekend that I was so looking forward to, reduced to nothing! My colleague was with me when it happened. He asked me if she was the type of person to cancel appointments at the last moment and I immediately said no. Then, I remembered the first time we were supposed to meet. I had just moved to HK and gave her a call and we decided to meet up that Friday. I was so excited because I'd just arrived and knew no one except her. But on Friday afternoon, she rang me to say she couldn't meet up with me because she had to do laundry! I remember the look of disbelief on Bob's face a week later when he asked me how that went and I told him. He was stupefied. Up to that moment, I had tried to brush it aside, telling myself that she had a valid reason to stand me up on my first social event in this not-so-familiar city. But as I stood before Bob's look of disbelief, it was hard not to feel it...I was stood up for laundry.

In the mood for a little clairvoyance? Try answering the following questions honestly :
1. Name a person of the opposite sex
2. Your favourite colour : red, black, blue, green, yellow?
3. The first initial of your name
4. Month you were born
5. Your preferred colour : black or white?
6. Name a person of the same sex
7. Your favourite number
8. Which do you prefer : California or Florida?
9. Which do you prefer : Lake or Ocean?
10. Make a wish

Done? Find out what your answers say about you and your future.

Shameless vanity -- pre Ball pics. And joyful service at CCHK.

So, what am I feeling now. I don't know. I really don't. some days, I feel like I'm waking in a vacuum bubble. Other times, I'm walking on clouds. And I shift between either ends of that continuum so quickly that I don't quite know where I'm at at any given moment. I miss him. But I don't know why I do anymore. I love him. But I'm not sure I know what that means anymore. Hope, indeed, is a fragile thing. There are times when I feel like I'm grasping at straws. And I'll be darned if I don't cling on to every last thread of it. Lonely. That word has been used on me far too often now. But so true. A good, hug and a long, tongue-lock would set me right for now. even from a complete stranger. Any takers? pretty please?

Moving on from failing faith to better things, I just got news earlier this week that my family will have not one, but two new additions come November. I mentioned back in late February that my sis, A1 (the "1" is for being the first of the first pair of twins), is having her third child. Now, my brother, K2 (for being the second of the second pair -- duh!), is going to have a baby. Well, not him, but his wife, of course. And they'll both be due some time early part of November. Now, if they both time it carefully, I'd need make only one trip home for the birth of two babies. That would make them twin-cousins. Kewl!

Was at a class this afternoon, an orientation to becoming a serving member of the church. A serving member (as opposed to just member) means a commitment to grow one's faith through one of the following church ministries : Worship; Discipleship; Evangelism; Fellowship and Outreach. I've picked Outreach because of the calling to touch lives and bring a positive difference to others. Sounds like LP! During the class, while we were on the subject of managing conflicts and disagreements with love and respect, I suddenly had a prompting to let T know that I still love him. It wasn't like I wasn't paying attention but this "thought" came from out of the blue and refused to go away until I reconciled to it. At first, I resisted it, because it seems rather inappropriate to be telling him this considering the recent changes in our circumstance. But I found it hard to concentrate on the class until I I accepted the prompting. I think it wasn't so much that he needs to know than for me to accept that I do. I'm finding this whole prompting business rather amusing . I have to repeat that I've never been very religious so it can sometimes be a bit overwhelming.

Last night's Ball was more than I expected. Le Ball du Soleil. As we walked down the wide curved stairs leading to the ballroom, we were greeted by leggy Brazilian dancers spectacularly garbed in sequins and colourful feathered head-dress. Beautiful women everywhere in sexy evening dresses that Serina and I couldn't stop ooh-ing and aah-ing at. Low necklines, (no necklines too!) low backlines, high side slits, long hemlines and short ones too, and shimmer. Men in mandarin suit, bowties, scarfs, waistcoats and kilts! I had decided at the last minute not to bring my camera for fear of leaving it unattended while dancing, so you can imagine how hard I was kicking myself for it.

There was a raffle draw and an auction with a man wielding the hammer and calling out bids a mile a minute, I would've thought he was a pro had they not announced earlier that he was working in an investment bank, like the majority of the guests. And the highest auction item was a personally autographed right soccer boot of David Beckham's that went under the hammer for a whopping HK$100,000. So next time you watch Beckham play with a limp, you'll know why.

I think the highlight of the evening must have been when one of the "boys" from the Vietnam shelter addressed the audience to thank them for their continued support for the cause led by Mama-Tina, which is how the kids at the shelters know Christina Noble. No longer the boy that once lived on the streets of Vietnam, this young man (and I couldn't quite get his name) learnt to speak English, was put through school and is now working in the Renaissance Riverside in Saigon. Heartwarming story.

I've worked out why I've been so pissy lately. Earlier this week, P invited me to visit him in Cambodia next weekend as it is a long weekend. He was very persuasive, assuring me that since nothing happened (sexually, that is) the last time we met, I need not worry about inappropriate behaviour this time round. I guess I was angry that I didn't have the strength of character to simply say "NO". I was letting myself be swayed and tempted and was actually half-seriously considering the trip. I gave him reasons why it was not a good idea and presented arguments about how my visit would conflict with his own commitments to his family. But I just didn't come right out and say "NO". Worse still, he only knew that next weekend is a long one for me because I volunteered the information!

P : Hey, why don't you come to PP and you can see my new kart and my racing suit?
K : Hmm...you know, the following weekend is a long one and I was planning to go on a boat trip with this guy but I've just heard rumour that he's married so now my weekend is open. But I don't think it would be a good idea for me to come visit you in PP. It would conflict with your commitments to your family. No point cancelling a weekend with one married man just to be with another.
P : Don't worry. It isn't a conflict. We didn't do anything the last time so nothing's going to happen.
K : yes, nothing happened last time but you'll remember that I did have to fight you off initially.
P : yeah, but nothing happened in the end. So c'mon. You'll get to see my new kart and we'll go racing in it.
K : oh...errr...hmmm...I don't think it is a good idea.
P : ok, think about it and let me know tomorrow.

See my point? feeble. lame. wishy-washy.
Well, I finally told him in no uncertain terms "No". But why did it have to take so long and after so much hemming and hawing?

Underneath all that is the fact that I crave physical intimacy. I miss feathery caresses, passionate kisses, and dreamy deliberations on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Just last night, I dreamt of a guy I used to see when I was 17 and then again at 21. In my dream, I stole a kiss from him. Tentatively at first and then more boldly. Argh! He's married! I know it's just a dream but I can't help feeling guilty about it still.

net-addiction. blog-addiction. basically unhealthy addiction.

This is what I'm listening to now. Trying to get inspiration.

I'm in need of validation. Love me. please.

Finally got the G2 from Uncle Andrew. Paid a bit more for it. I think the trust factor was worth paying that little bit extra.

I've become boring. I'm gonna drop out of blog until I have something worth saying again. I can't believe some of the rubbish appearing on this page! Back soon...I hope.

Gorgeous Eyes is married. At least, that's the rumour in the industry. Hah! Why am I not surprised. That's just the kind of luck I'd have with men. I'm pretty sure he said he's in HK on his own. UGH!!! CAN'T TRUST MEN! That's it. I'm turning lesbian.

Hong Kong is known to be a shopper's paradise, especially for electronic goods. It's true. You can get incredibly good bargains and save as much as 30% off the recommended retail price. But for the uninitiated, it can be quite a daunting experience discerning the genuine from the illegally smuggled. While hunting for the ultimate price for the Canon G2 that I've been eyeing, I had one retailer take an imprint of my credit card and harass me to sign it while waiting for the goods to be brought from the warehouse to the store. Luckily, Al had warned me about getting store warranty in place of agent warranty and an elderly storeowner had warned me about parallel or smuggled imports from Japan with no warranty. So I insisted that I would sign it only after I'd inspected the box and its contents. They became agitated and told me I'd have to wait half an hour. I didn't have half an hour as the last bus back to the hotel was leaving in fifteen, so I said I'd be back the next day, please have it ready for me then. I went back the next night and this time, I'm told that they couldn't get me the stock because the store is closed on Sundays. I'm completely baffled that a store has no stock to sell on a Sunday but is open for business anyway. As we left the store, Serina observed that a couple of police were in the store which was probably the reason they didn't want to sell me the camera which they were offering at HK$4,030.

I went to several other stores who were selling the camera for HK$4,500. When I asked if the manuals were in English, one said yes. When I checked the contents, the manual was in Japanese with a photocopy of an English manual. The software included were copies.

So tonight, I decided to do a last round of price hunting, also to find out more about the Nikon Coolpix 5000 (which I've decided not to buy as it costs a lot more and doesn't have an infra-red remote). At one store, the guy offers the camera at HK$4,500 and assures me that the warranty is a worldwide agent one. I agree to purchase it. This man is cool to the point of being cold. His movements are slow and deliberate and I get the feeling he's doing me a favour instead of serving a customer. While waiting, he questions the reasons for my choice. He doesn't appear satisfied with my answers. Then without consulting with anyone, he tells me that I have to come back tomorrow night as they don't have the camera in stock tonight. I ask for a business card so I can find the store again and he reaches his hand into his shirt pocket then pauses. He decides not to give it to me saying that I've got a good memory for camera features (I only enquired about two), I should have no problem finding the shop. I insist that I've been to so many stores and I've gotten confused. He sits back with a smirk. I say fine, I'll try to find my way again tomorrow. To which he replies, "Not tomorrow. Day after tomorrow. Tomorrow, we order." I'm convinced he doesn't want to sell it anymore. He continues to smirk as I leave the store. I end up at the first store I went into on Saturday. The old man is there and he offers me the same price as on Saturday -- HK$4,800. He shows me the agent warranty registration card, the serial number and assures me that he will endorse the registration card. I don't have to wait for him to fish out the stock from some concealed storeroom. He has it out on the shelf. Out of all the people at the camera stores I've met, he's the only one I'd trust. And yet, tomorrow, I will give the Canon agent a call and run a check on the store to be sure the stuff he sells is legit and the warranty the real thing. But that's not the reason I didn't get it tonight. There was a tiny scratch on the body and I'm finicky about buying something in pristine condition. Tomorrow, I will have it in my hand or I won't get it at all.

There's a new guy at church. He came as a guest last week and thought I sang really well. He was back again yesterday, this time, with a non-guest name tag. Was trying not to blog about it before. Didn't want to jinx it. But I'm not supposed to be superstitious and I just have to just mention it just a little. He has an incredible smile that starts from his eyes. Ok, I think I'm allowed to swoon now...

Al has got me thinking of the Nikon Coolpix 5000 now. It is so small and has all the features of the G2 and more! At this rate, I may just end up hopping from one camera fancy to another without ever buying one. Gotta check this one out tomorrow.

THE WEIGHT OF NOTHING
Received this in an email from Jeff Rybak (the guy with the big recording and concert plans) last Friday. I was rather touched by the message that I'm sharing here now...

"Tell me the weight of a snowflake, a sparrow asked a wild dove.

"Nothing more than nothing".... was the answer.

"In that case I must tell you a marvelous story," the sparrow said.

"I sat on the branch of a fir tree, close to its trunk, when it began
to snow, not, in a raging blizzard, no, just like in a dream, without
any violence. Since I did not have anything better to do, I counted
all the snowflakes settling on the twigs and needles of my branch.
Their number was exactly 3,741,952.... When the next snowflake
dropped onto the branch....'nothing more than nothing'....as you say.....
......the branch broke off."

Having said that, the sparrow flew away.

The dove, since Noah's time an authority on the matter, thought
about the story for a while and finally said to herself: "Perhaps,
there is only one person's voice lacking for peace to come about
in the world."

Perhaps.......it could be......your voice...

I'm under investigation. Someone's looked my name up in Google and found me! Or maybe it is another me they're after. Is it the IRAS? or Customs office for all the budget DVDs from Shenzhen? or maybe a recording company who heard about an up and coming, not-so-young but youthful Asian prodigy in the making? Wow, I didn't realise there were so many people sharing my name on the internet but there you go. I'm not so unique afterall. And, it's not like I didn't know the internet was a public domain but I certainly never thought I'd be interesting enough for someone to deliberately look me up. Having said all that, I'm sure I wasn't the target of the search but happened to share the same name as some other Karen Teoh who was. or was I?

And yesterday, just as I was entering the subway to the MTR, a man walking a way ahead of me looked back and did a double take. As I ducked into the subway, I noticed he'd retraced his steps to press his face against the glass of the tunnel entry, watching me as I passed. Yikes! I hitched up my skirt (of all days to decide to wear a skirt and a long sarong one at that!) and hurried down the stairs as quickly as my new sandals could take me.

Mystery solved. This is what I ended up watching that was being passed off for Spiderman. Thanks Al.

Kim came to church with me today. He was bored at service. To each his own, I guess. Well, he did ask to come with me to church himself. In the afternoon, I brought him to the Hong Kong Park (yes, my third or fourth time there now) and later, Serina joined us as we brought him to Stanley Market. He finally bought some things -- t-shirts, a chinese name stamp that reads "gold" in chinese; and chopstickes. Later, back at TST, he got a couple of budget Rolex's as a couple of Pakistani guys on the streets discreetly touted their illegal ware. We were hurriedly and stealthily ushered into a tailor shop in a back alley, with a screen pulled across the door to conceal the illicit transaction. US$80 he paid for two. I thought he paid too much but I wasn't about to cause too much trouble being on their turf, especially with the genuine stuff on my own wrist. Tomorrow, he is off to the Philippines for his dive holiday. While I'm back to work, work, work.

So I sang at church again today and received many more compliments. Mustn't let it get to my head though. One lady was so polite to begin her feedback with a bit of preamble..."not that I didn't think you sang well today, but...I liked the way you sang last week better." Last week was a contemporary piece so there was a lot more room to explore and experiment. I tried to explain that to her, and this week's piece was sung in a more classical, prayerful style as each verse led into a prayer. But I realise that she'd given me really good feedback. I just assumed a prayerful piece had to be sung in the classical catholic hymn tradition. Should think about how I can inject a bit of contemporary flair to it.

"You are worthy because I am in you."
Pastor Scott's sermon was about prayer and how it doesn't have to look a certain way or be perfect. It only needed to be heartfelt and true. I felt a releasing after the sermon as I prayed. Hard to explain it. A connection like nothing I've felt before. And as I prayed for God to fill my unworthiness and make me worthy, I heard the above words in reply. Now I've never been religious or anything like that so at first, this spooked me and I just sat up and looked around, bewildered. But as I continued to pray, I became less afraid and in place of fear was tremendous joy. Tearful ecstasy. Yeah, wow.

Spiderman is proving to be a complete shocker. I'm not even sure I want to watch the rest of the movie now. But I keep watching and hoping that the plot will shift and become the action hero movie like the cartoon series of old. Story of my life. Well, definitely not a movie to take the kids to. Unless, this is the Shenzhen version of the movie...hmmm....
oh, hahahaha!! that'll teach me to buy budget movies from China. What I watched was a "what if Spiderman hadn't learnt to control his transformation..." movie. Spidermonster.

Oh my sore feet! Spent the entire afternoon and evening on my feet, except for the 1.5 hours at dinner. Exhausting. Up the Peak, and then the Mongkok night market, shuffling and shoving down the narrow lanes lined with all manner of pirated software, movies, t-shirts, kinky lingerie for women and men, and watches. Used to be you could get "budget" versions of Rolex, Tag Hauer, Breitling, Omega, and other big names here. But the laws have tightened around intellectual property rights since China's entry into the WTO. If you discreetly ask for these brands, some stall holders will whip them out for you after the price has been agreed upon but only a few stalls carry them now, and at a higher price than before. Kim was great, he was happy doing anything as his only objective in coming to Hong Kong was to meet me. I'm so touched.

It's been over a month now. Still he wanders into my thoughts a few times a day. Am I destined to fall utterly and hopelessly in love with men who cannot reciprocate the sentiment? Kim said matter-of-factly, "it's a woman-thing". Not to be able to detach herself from a man who has already moved on. Frailty, thy name, indeed, is woman! [I realise you're reading this but what the hell, it's my blog and I can love and I can rant and you can stop reading if it makes you uncomfortable. ooops! too late now.]

On the way to catch my bus this evening, I dropped by a few equipment shops along TST to do some price-hunting for the G2 and found one that had the champagne gold one that I'm eyeing, going for HK$4,500! I tried not to look too excited about the price and coolly left the store after repeating the price like 4 times, in my smattering Cantonese, just to be sure I got the price right and so that it was engraved in his memory for when I finally go and get it. Was thinking to go price-hunting in Wanchai where electronic goods are supposed to be cheaper but I seriously doubt it could go for much less than what this shop is offering. I'll probably get it tomorrow before I meet up with Kim. Only thing is the battery won't be charged up yet so I won't be able to take shots from the Peak where I'm taking him.

And on the subject of pictures, I've always found it difficult on the nerves to photograph kids because if they're not pushing or shoving or crying, they've got their heads turned away from the camera, and then I hesitate because I think the shot isn't perfect. Well, Liane has some fabulous pics of her twin nieces just like that and they're perfect. A must-see for those of us still waiting for that perfect shot.

Just got a call from Pastor Scott. I'll be singing in-between prayers. I am so enjoying the whole worship experience at CCHK. Very spiritual without being over-the-top charismatic. [Scott just faxed the music sheet and signed off with a smiley. So cute.]

Oh, and I have a friend from Denmark visiting this weekend. Kim and I have been email pals for a couple of years now. This will be our first meeting. Actually, we were meant to have met up 2 years ago when he was planning a stopover in Singapore enroute to Australia. He spammed a few Singapore email addresses looking for a tour guide. That trip didn't happen but we continued emailing. He has a pair of twins from his now-separated wife who is herself, a twin. [Update : Kim is already divorced. Our email has been sporadic and his one-liner compositions aren't the most revealing :o)] How unlikely is that? My own sister who is a twin, has a pair of twin boys, too! He'll be coming to service with me and I'll be busy at practice and sitting with the choir. I guess he can take care of himself and the congregation is so friendly and warm too.

Accidents or Incidents?
Strange thing happened yesterday. My Nokia dialled T's mobile on its own when his number wasn't on last 10-number re-dial nor is the one-touch speed dial activated. Is there are karmic message there? doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo [to the tune of Close Encounters]

And stranger still, I received a referral visit from Lyricsworld from someone looking up Lee Ann Womack's I Hope You Dance! The very song that I regard fondly as our song (Jan 21 post). No less. The weird part is that there is no link from that page to mine so I'm absolutely stupefied how the referral occured. Care to fess up anyone?

I should shed a few pounds but I'm not an advocate of dieting, probably because I've never been good at resisting anything. The moment I think I should watch what I eat, I immediately crave for the bad stuff that I don't usually crave for. So, my philosophy is eat everything in moderation, and don't deliberately exclude the bad stuff. I'm nearly a vegetarian now.Nearly, because I still eat fish and very occasionally, other meats. I think this, in no small part, is due to T's influence. Then why the sudden diet deliberations, you ask? The Ball. Yes, the Charity Ball next weekend. The dress I have in mind (well, the only dress I have to go in) is a pale gold, cowl neck, clingy satin number which traces every curve and (*gulp*) bulge. Much ado about a ball, huh. Gosh! How shallow am I? Here I am all caught up with the dress, makeup, accessories, etc and I haven't once mentioned who the beneficiary of the ball is. Well, it is the Christina Noble Children's Foundation. You have to check it out. You can actually start your own Noble [fund raising] Circle to help protect the dignity of street children in Vietnam and Mongolia. Read about this amazing woman who survived living on the streets of Dublin, gang rape, spouse abuse and mental breakdown to become a worldwide inspiration of hope for the children. Kinda puts things in perspective, huh.

I'm unexpectedly tired tonight. I think I shall get to bed soon, even if it is just half past nine.

I ended up staying in and not doing all the things I thought I would do...steam bath, laundry, Spiderman...
I did however, watch the second half of Amelie de Montmartre and learned a tune on the keyboard, but not before tearing it to pieces first, with my hopeless sightreading. Oh, and another little poem for Kai's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAI!! a few minutes early.

Just got off a telephone conversation with my mother which ended abruptly. She was lamenting about my brother not helping her setup the new broadband connection at home and instead had asked her to read the instructions and set it up herself. My mother used to pride herself in being very independent and capable, having had little or no supervision as a child. But lately, since my dad became ill and passed away, she's become increasingly dependent on others. This change hasn't been easy on us, her children, who have become fiercely independent ourselves, and intolerant of those who won't make an effort to help themselves first. So too, with my patience worn thin by her complaints, I echo my brother's advice that she read the manual and give it a go. I was not inclined to get into a long-distance argument with my brother to fix it for her. I could tell she was upset as she went silent so I tried to lighten the mood by being encouraging. The subject changes to learning music and how I was working out the Major chords on my own by applying simple math rules. I was laughing at the irony of applying maths now when I used to fail the subject when she responded with, "okay then, bye-bye". I was completely thrown off and was too stupid to respond. A second later, the line went dead.

Kai's birthday tomorrow. Remember to have a blast dear! You definitely deserve it. Doesn't matter what went down last year. The clock still turns. Gosh! Exactly a month ago tomorrow, it was my own birthday and I was spending the afternoon with Kai, bawling my eyes and guts out. And then rushing home to grab my half-packed suitcase before heading to the airport. I shan't ever forget the sweet woman at the immigration counter who smiled and wished me "Happy birthday" as she returned me my passport. Set me off bawling again, which must have startled her for all her kind intentions.
And still the clock turns...